For ashyperfume

[trainwrecked]

It took a while, before he dialed the phone on the card. Weeks, he thought, he wasn't very good at keeping up with the dates. Or, rather, he didn't care that much.

But time had passed since the party. He'd memorized the information, then burned the card - in his experience already, anything after the last wipe wasn't going away, so he was using what part of his memory he could. Extensively.

In the end, though, he just picked a street phone and punched the number.

"Ms. Fukuyama?" Yes, she'd told him to call her Fuu. He couldn't be sure she'd pick up the phone herself. "This is James Banes."

That was how normal conversations went, wasn't it?

Comments

[trainwrecked]

"Hurting's a part of life," came his immediate response. He didn't even know how much of it was Hydra - or how different even the same words would have sounded, before he'd lost who he was.

And only after did it, slowly, dawn at him that she was apologizing to him for what'd happened. That was.

Nobody'd done that. Not even Rogers, well, not in words, at any rate. His expression softened, a little, and he slowly turned so he was almost facing her. Yes, the name helped, it mattered, even if he wouldn't have admitted it. Things like nothing that he'd been through.

Things like thinking about somebody else.

"Then you're a far better person than me, I think." It wasn't bitter or self-deprecating or anything of the sort, merely a statement of fact, addressing the last thing she'd said. Then he considered the rest.

"You... the hurt in this situation, it wasn't caused by you. I'm... not happy with how easy it is to suck me back in." Because he couldn't stop it, usually couldn't even realize it was happening. Finally, he raised his eyes to meet hers. "But if it's getting that way and I know, I'll try to tell you." He considered it for a moment, his head tilted slightly. "Maybe having a reason to look for it will make it easier to discover. That's... appreciated." A small pause, and he tried if another world would be a better fit. "Thanks."

For the opportunity. For the option.

[ashyperfume]

"Hurting is a part of life." The words were quiet, whether they were agreement or reflection or some combination of the two, it was hard to say. The corners of her mouth turned up wryly, eyes still closed. "And whether or not I'm a better person is still out for the jury. Hurting because you want to, or hurting because you don't know how to do anything else . . . in the end, is there that much of a difference?"

Her lashes separated as her eyes came back to him in turn. Stayed. The wryness was still there, but it had softened, including him in the joke -- and in that, there was acceptance. "How many restarts do you think we get per night?"

[trainwrecked]

He paused for a moment. "I am... reasonably certain I have hurt people because I wanted to." His memory was elusive, but he was pretty sure.

At her question, though, he tilted his head, more in confusion about the need for a reset than anything else. "I don't think anyone else makes the rules. Which should mean, as many as we need." It took him an effort to avoid the self-effacing 'as many as are needed.' If he was trying to become - real, realer - he had to claim responsibility sooner or later, didn't he?

"But I've no need for starting over."

Except he maybe did, if she expected him to actually... eat.

[ashyperfume]

Her eyes stayed with him for the first comment, studying him for a long moment before her shoulder lifted. "I suspect you have every reason to be angry enough. And every right at this point to do as you see fit. Though sometimes, James . . . I can't help but wonder if you're trying to warn me, too."

As to starting over, it was a good response, and one that brought the luring of a smile back to the corners of her mouth. But she knew better. "Does that mean that I can get you to try Chinese again if I avoid spice and promise not to laugh?"

[trainwrecked]

He paused for a moment, eyebrow raised. Was she only now realizing that he had been trying to warn her, about many things but mostly the danger that he posed?

"I don't have that many people to warn."

They either knew already or were aware of the danger, anyway.

But he did frown a bit at the last question. "The laughter doesn't bother me. But I don't see why anyone wants to eat that."

He wasn't trying to be rude. He did mean it, though. He did not understand.